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Family of Origin v/s Family of Choice

Family of Origin v/s Family of Choice

I was flipping through the channels and found a gem of a movie that really brings home issues of belonging and identity.  I wonder if you have seen it?  Muppets From Space. Yes, Kermit the Frog, Miss Piggy and the crew.  If you can look past the feathers, glitter and fur, this movie actually gets to the crux of issues surrounding family of origin vs family of choice.
Muppets_from_space
For years Gonzo wondered what he was.  I’m sure all of us can relate at one time in our lives or another. Then one day an alien ship arrived.  It turns out that a group of individuals from his home planet had been searching for him for years.  They were so ecstatic that they celebrated with a live band and everything.  Yes, as in busted out the song “Celebrate” by Kool and the Gang.d0971-celebration3 Check out the clip on YouTube and have your own personal party.
I can’t begin to imagine the significance one would feel to know that a group values you so much to search through time and space to find you and is fundamentally excited when they finally do.  A people who want you, who identify you as one of their own.  A group that shares your idiosyncrasies, tastes, and even your physical features.  They found him, told him how long they had been looking for him, called him little brother,  and welcomed him home if he chose to go.
As much as he wanted to belong and be around those who are just like him, to finally have a sense of community and kinship, he didn’t go.   He chose to remain with his family of choice, the hodgepodge group that he had come to love. Why I am crying about this I have no idea.muppetsI guess the idea of belonging, family, and community is really resonating with me right now.  At any rate, I do encourage everyone to find a copy of Muppets From Space and enjoy it with the tribe of your choice.  If you can’t find a copy, here is one from Amazon.com  Enjoy!
Incidentally,  I swiped all of these photos form the internet.  If I need to remove them, I will.
Hope
I don’t even have kids.  Why do I care?

I don’t even have kids. Why do I care?

Back in 2013 My husband worked for a local middle school and told me many horror stories about what went on in the school on a regular basis. I was angry about what I was hearing and organized some prayer warriors from a local ministry who gathered at the school to pray for the students and teachers. He no longer works for that school, but yesterday he was curious about what happened to several of his students and began searching the our city’s police blotter. He found 6 of his former students listed as having been arrested. Many for violent crimes. Six! These young men are only 15-17 years old. My heart broke and my anger grew as he read to me the list of heinous crimes these boys have committed. They will be tried as adults and their lives are potentially ruined.

Even though I no longer have ties to that school in any way, my heart is still drawn to praying for them. I feel called to do more than to just shake my head and wring my hands. I took it upon myself to organize a community day of prayer for our schools. Would you prayerfully consider being a part of interceding for school children in prayer? You don’t have to be present to pray with and for us. In fact, I encourage everyone to pray for students in your own communities. But if you happen to be in Durham, NC and would like to join us, here are the details.

I have a list of prayer points to get us started.

First and foremost that God would curb our human tendency to place blame, and that God would mightily intervene and mend broken places.

school bus

For Teachers
Lord, let them be effective in communicating the content of their lessons
give them inspiration  for new ways to reach students
give them a sense of accomplishment after a good days work
help them to persevere through long days
give them patience with systems, policies, and hard to reach students
bless them with healthy home lives
let their weekends be restful and their personal time be refreshing

For Students
make their minds receptive for learning
let them see themselves as God\’s workmanship
grant them physical protection in the schools, on school buses, and in their homes
help them to not be overcome with fear
help them develop a spirit of self control
help them to live honestly
let them be kind in their speech
develop in them a heart of integrity
drive out a thirst for violence and replace it with a longing for love

For Administrators
strength and wisdom to enforce school rules appropriately, fairly, and consistently
ability to balance addressing the needs of students, teachers, and parents
ability to marry the requirements of the school system with realities that present themselves at school

Parents
good relationships with teachers
inspire them to step up to volunteer and be a positive presence in the school
strength to grandparents and others who are filling the role of mom and dad
for single parents with limited time, energy, and resources
that parents may train up their children in the way they should go

Community
Grateful for organizations that support schools: the children, their families, and the staff
Inspire the general community to take and interest and offer consistent support to meeting school needs

Me? A Snooty Church Lady?

Have you ever been humbled by how God chose to show you your sin and bless you at the same time? One Sunday after church, my husband and I debated whether it fit into our budget to go out for lunch or cook at home. We were trying to save money and pay down some debt.  Clearly going out for lunch doesn’t exactly fit with that plan. So, after going round and round about being disciplined, and saving, and Dave Ramsey, we somehow ended up at a sandwich shop.   As it turned out, we were in exactly the right place for a divine appointment.

As my husband was placing his order, a tough-looking woman standing behind me in line tapped me on the arm. As I turned towards her, she offered me a slip of paper.  Now I usually don’t take things from random strangers, but I felt a prompting to accept it from her.  I was fully expecting it to be an advertisement for a local business, some kind of donation request, or information about an event at a nightclub.  It was none of those.  It was a coupon for a free sandwich.  When I realized what it was, my every intention was to hand it back to her. People in my city can be very neighborly, but I didn’t want to accept this random act of kindness from her. Not her. Not this woman who looked and sounded like a cast member of Orange is the New Black. I took a breath, ready to tell her why I couldn’t accept the coupon, and for some reason, I couldn’t speak.  Her face which looked as if she had indeed seen rough times, also looked so pleased to have been of service.  I couldn’t take that away from her by refusing her kind gesture.

As I ordered my sandwich, something rose in my spirit. Something in me wanted to reach out. I wanted to engage her, to start a dialog, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t seem to get over myself and find common ground with her. Dressed in a hoodie and jeans, with thick cornrows in her hair, I am ashamed to admit that I judged this woman by her dress and demeanor.  As I listened to her conversation behind me, I actually had the audacity to think I was better than her because of my cute church outfit, my correct grammar usage, and my perception that my rank was above her in the socioeconomic strata. I was being a straight-up snob y’all. Yet, God was using her to meet a financial need of mine by covering an unplanned frivolous expense.  Because of my pride and snooty attitude, I could scarcely look her in the eye as I thanked her.  I actually thanked her several times, and not once could I make an eye-to-eye connection.  I held so much judgment in my heart.  Even though I was the one being helped.

My husband and I left the sandwich shop and went to a park to eat our lunch. Before we said grace over our meal, we looked at each other across the picnic table and marveled at how God is proving himself to be our provider time and again. Yes, this time it was only the cost of a sandwich, but that is beside the point.  It seemed like a gentle reminder from God that He is who He says he is and that He does not change.  That He is a provider.  That He is not a respecter of persons. That His blessings come in unexpected packages – even in the form of rough-looking women.

Even as I write, it is clear that I have more work to do to overcome pride and a judgmental spirit.  I thank God for the opportunity to grow and become the woman He created me to be.  I am also thankful that He is teaching me what a blessing it can be to allow others to express their gifts.  By accepting that coupon, it allowed the other woman to experience generosity.  Despite my preoccupation with my own mental baggage, I did notice that she had a look of self-respect and the good kind of pride, knowing that she was helping someone.  I could not let my self-importance take that away from her by rejecting her offering.  Who knows, perhaps that was her sacrifice to God.  Her giving of herself with no expectation of a return.  God is amazing and can use all kinds of circumstances to accomplish His purposes.

He is so great, and I am so blessed that He loves me and has adopted me into His family, flaws and all.

Until next time,

Hope