I was completely spiritually unprepared for the trials of 2020. I found it so hard to pray and turn to God for comfort. I know I am not alone in this. 

I don’t know who could have even dreamed of the year that 2020 was. It started out with the threat of world war, Australia burned with a country consuming wildfire, the unjust shooting of Ahmad Arbery, and then the outbreak of a disease the likes of which we had not seen in a century. COVID-19 not only threatened our health but confined us to our homes. Thanks to lockdowns everywhere, the economy slowed down and complete industries were crippled. People lost their jobs, making financial fears very very real for a lot of people. It was so hard to pray.

The mental anguish of hearing that at the close of 2020 over 400,000 souls lost their lives to the disease took our collective grief to another level. We could not hug or physically comfort our dying loved ones. We couldn’t go to funerals or mourn in the traditional ways that bring us peace and closure. Thousands upon thousands of people, including cultural icons, dying one right after the other was so hard to bear. It was so hard to pray.

In addition to all of that, the very ugly underbelly of our society showed us in real-time, police brutality and disregard for Black lives that caused social unrest in our cities. Our cities literally burned with the frustration of protesters. This spilled into political chaos. Division was at an all-time high. Family member was pitted against family member, neighbor was against neighbor. All of the conflict was just too much to bear. It was so hard to pray.

And to tie everything together, these emotions just kept getting whipped up by a 24-hour news cycle that constantly presented us with the worst of ourselves and our situation, making the trauma fresh moment by moment. Guess what? Human beings cannot sustain trauma for an extended period of time with no end in sight. When resilience fails us, we begin to respond to the trauma in one of four ways. Fight, flight, freeze, and fawn are the behaviors we turn to when we become overwhelmed or experience something traumatic. Why was it so hard to pray? I submit to you that prayerlessness is a form of the freeze trauma response.

Being pressed on every side, I confess that I was beginning to feel crushed. My regular breathing was so shallow due to anxiety, that some days it was a challenge to take a deep breath. I was stuck in survival mode and I began to unravel. As I look back, I realize that I neglected to do the one thing that had the power to immediately change my perspective, release the weight from my shoulders, free my mind, and give me courage. That thing is prayer.

Remember in Matthew 14 when Peter and the other disciples, caught on that windy and choppy lake saw Christ walking on the water? Remember when Peter calls out and asks the Lord to allow him to walk out to him? My friends, the waters of 2020 were certainly windy and choppy. Just like Peter I looked at the wind and waves that were whipping around and I began to sink. The fear was too much, the grief was too much. I was paying attention to everything that was around me and forgetting to keep my focus and attention on the Lord.

I was sinking.  But before the waves overtook me, someone extended a lifeline. A group of friends reminded me of the power of prayer. If your 2020 has bled over into 2021, and you are still struggling to get your feet under you, you are not alone. May I offer you a lifeline? Here is how we can reconnect to God when we are stuck, frozen in place by the traumas of this life and sinking beneath the waves of chaotic lives in a chaotic world.

Rest – Trust God and rest in His care

God is trustworthy. He does not lie. There is none like Him. We can surrender to Him, putting our trust in Him because He loves us and He is:

 Omniscient, all knowing and knowing the end from the beginning.

Psalm 139:1-4 (ESV)

1 O Lord, you have searched me and known me!

2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up;

    you discern my thoughts from afar.

3 You search out my path and my lying down

    and are acquainted with all my ways.

4 Even before a word is on my tongue,

    behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.

 Omnipresent, everywhere at once.

Psalm 139:7-10 (ESV)

7 Where shall I go from your Spirit?

    Or where shall I flee from your presence?

8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there!

    If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!

9 If I take the wings of the morning

    and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

10 even there your hand shall lead me,

    and your right hand shall hold me.

Omnipotent, all powerful. 

Colossians 1:16 (ESV)

For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him.

 

Praise – Praise Him for how great He is

He abides in the praises of His people. Invite His power, and peace.

Psalm 22:3 (KJV)

But thou art holy, O thou that inhabitest the praises of Israel.

Psalm 100:1-5 (KJV)

1 Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all ye lands.

2 Serve the Lord with gladness: come before his presence with singing.

3 Know ye that the Lord he is God: it is he that hath made us, and not we ourselves; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.

4 Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name.

5 For the Lord is good; his mercy is everlasting; and his truth endureth to all generations.

Share – Share with Him your innermost thoughts, the good, bad and ugly

Unclog /unblock every conduit or road that connects us to the Divine. Forgiveness is ours because He loves us and has already paid the cost for our sins.

1 John 1:9 (ESV)

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

James 4:8 (ESV)

Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.

Psalm 32:1-5 (ESV)

1 Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven,

    whose sin is covered.

2 Blessed is the man against whom the Lord counts no iniquity,

    and in whose spirit there is no deceit.

3 For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away

    through my groaning all day long.

4 For day and night your hand was heavy upon me;

    my strength was dried up[b] as by the heat of summer. Selah

5 I acknowledged my sin to you,

    and I did not cover my iniquity;

I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,”

    and you forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah

Request – Ask for His help

As God’s children, we can ask Him for what we need. 

Philippians 4:6-7 (ESV)

6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

James 1:5 (ESV)

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.

Psalm 107:28-30 (ESV)

28 Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble,

    and he delivered them from their distress.

29 He made the storm be still,

    and the waves of the sea were hushed.

30 Then they were glad that the waters[a] were quiet,

    and he brought them to their desired haven.

Hebrews 4:16 (ESV)

Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

Prayer, it is a lifeline. It brought me back from the brink. Let it do the same for you.

 

When I got married, I learned that my husband’s family has family historians that have kept excellent genealogy records. One side of his family can be traced back to the 1600s in Slovakia, and the other side to the 1500s in Italy. In fact, for many years the town in Ohio where my husband’s family lived had an annual celebration. All of the families that came over from Collelongo, the community in southern Italy where many of their relatives had come from in the early 1900s, gathered to celebrate community and to keep the connection to their roots.

Rooted. That is how I would describe my husband’s upbringing. His family was plugged into the town, and multiple generations lived there for years. I am awed by the connection to the past he has. To know where one comes from seems like it would offer a deep understanding of who you are and why you are. I felt jealous, even robbed, and a bit like an orphan in comparison. Until my mid-40s I barely knew who my grandparents were, let alone where an ancestral home might be. But, like many African Americans, I was not alone in my lack of knowledge about my ancestry. On both sides of my family, no one spoke about the past much. We were family, but how the pieces fit seemed unimportant. We all kind of went along calling certain ones Auntie, or Uncle, or Cousin. We were just kin.

However, in 2016, several people on my mother’s side got together and began research of our family history. They revealed their findings at a family reunion. It was your typical African American family reunion – a cookout held at a park, complete with matching T-shirts. It was here that I learned about my great-great-great-great grandmother, an enslaved woman on a Wake County, NC plantation. Her name was Feely. For some reason, finding her made me feel connected/complete/whole in some way.

Being able to trace my ancestry back to the early 1800s is an incredible gift. Although I know I am God’s child, it helps me to feel more rooted and less like an orphan in this world. I have a family. I have a story.