by Hope Venetta | Feb 3, 2025 | Maximized Hope
As we step into Black History Month, a time to celebrate our past, honor our ancestors, and reaffirm our collective strength, I find myself reflecting on the power of connection within our community. Knowing where we come from isn’t just about history—it’s about healing. When we understand our heritage, we gain a sense of belonging and identity that keeps us grounded, steadying our minds and spirits.
For us, family ain’t always about blood. We lean on a broader community—a tradition we call fictive kinship—where we create family beyond biological ties. That’s how we’ve survived, how we’ve thrived. Whether it’s the elders who pour wisdom into us, the play cousins who keep us laughing, or the modern-day internet aunties and uncles holding space for us, we know how to claim each other. In public, in cyber spaces, in life—we make sure we are never alone.
Black History Month and the Power of Knowing Your Heritage
One of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves this Black History Month is knowledge of self. Understanding our roots—whether through ancestry research, listening to Big Mama’s stories, or digging into community history—grounds us. It reminds us that we are part of something greater than ourselves. We come from a lineage of survivors, innovators, and freedom fighters. That’s something to hold onto.
Knowing who we are and where we come from is a balm for the soul. Studies back up what we’ve always known—when we have a strong cultural identity, we can better handle stress, anxiety, and depression. But in a time where folks are actively trying to erase our history, diminish our contributions, and gaslight us into thinking our struggles aren’t real, reclaiming our narratives is an act of resistance.
Community, Connection, and Fictive Kinship
Fictive kinship is in our DNA. When enslaved Africans were ripped from their families, they didn’t just endure—they adapted. They built new families, new connections, new ways of belonging. That resilience lives in us today. Whether or not we can trace our lineage, we know what it means to look out for one another, to hold each other up. Aunties who ain’t really aunties, cousins who aren’t related by blood but might as well be—that’s family. That’s love. That’s us.
Even in digital spaces, we keep this tradition alive. How many times have you seen someone call a beloved elder “Unc” or “Auntie” even if they’ve never met? How many times have we embraced a friend as a sibling, knowing that family is more than genetics? These bonds sustain us. They remind us that we belong, that we are part of something bigger, and that no matter how isolated we might feel, we got people who see us and care.
Fighting Against Erasure: The Political Landscape and Black Mental Health
As we celebrate Black History Month, we can’t ignore the attacks on our progress. Across the country, they’re trying to dismantle Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) initiatives, gut voting rights, and whitewash Black history right out of the textbooks. It’s bigger than politics—it’s personal. When our history is denied, when our struggles are minimized, it wears on our spirits. It chips away at our sense of belonging.
But we ain’t new to this. We’ve been here before, and we know how to fight. We have to stay informed, show up at the polls, and keep teaching ourselves and our communities the truth. Protecting our mental health means protecting our right to exist fully and truthfully. That means leaning into our safe spaces—our churches, our group chats, our online communities—where we uplift and affirm one another.
Agency and Taking Action
One of the most powerful things we have is agency—the ability to make choices that shape our lives. And in the spirit of fictive kinship, this means choosing to show up for each other. Whether it’s checking in on a friend who’s been quiet, supporting Black-owned businesses, or taking time to learn more about our collective history, every act matters. When we take care of each other, we strengthen our entire community.
This Black History Month, let’s remember: it’s okay to reach out if you’re feeling disconnected. It’s okay to build and rebuild connections. The family we create can be just as fulfilling and nurturing as any biological family. Our people have always known how to make family, how to build a village, and that’s something we can carry with us far beyond February.
Reclaiming Our Power Through Connection
Let’s take time to reclaim the power of our connections. Whether it’s a community gathering, a Twitter thread that sparks a deep conversation, or a simple text to check in on somebody, those small acts of love and care matter. We may not be able to fix all the systems that weigh us down overnight, but we can keep showing up for each other, holding each other, and making sure nobody walks alone.
By doing this, we honor the legacy of resilience our ancestors passed down to us. We are building stronger, healthier communities—not just for Black History Month, but for life. Because at the end of the day, whether by blood or by choice, we are family.
Let’s keep showing up for one another. Let’s keep building that village. And let’s keep reminding each other that we’re never alone.
by Hope Venetta | Jan 27, 2025 | Maximized Hope, Uncategorized
As we navigate through life, we encounter moments that stretch us—moments that challenge the very core of who we are and what we believe about ourselves and the world around us. It’s in these moments that the tension between radical acceptance and toxic positivity becomes evident. And as a Black woman, a therapist, and a sister who’s walked through her own valleys, I want to share the real difference between these two approaches to coping with life’s hardships.
What is Radical Acceptance?
Radical acceptance is not about giving up or giving in; it’s about fully acknowledging reality as it is, even when it hurts. It means facing the truth of a situation, no matter how difficult, and allowing yourself to sit with the emotions that come with it. It’s not about “fixing” your feelings or pretending everything’s okay when it isn’t. It’s about holding space for yourself, for your pain, for your disappointment, and for your hopes—all at the same time.
When we practice radical acceptance, we give ourselves permission to grieve, to feel anger, or to be frustrated. We allow ourselves to recognize the weight of what we carry. And for many of us, especially as Black women who have historically had to hold so much for ourselves and our communities, this kind of honesty is revolutionary. Radical acceptance means saying, “This is hard. This hurts. But I will move through it.” It’s about honoring the struggle without getting lost in it.
What is Toxic Positivity?
Toxic positivity, on the other hand, is that pressure to “stay positive” no matter what. It’s the voice that tells you to look on the bright side when you’ve just experienced a loss or to be grateful for what you have when you’re sitting in the middle of heartbreak. While it may seem like a way to protect ourselves or others from pain, it often shuts down the very real emotions that need to be processed.
We’ve all heard it before: “Just be positive!” or “At least it’s not worse!” But these responses, while well-meaning, can feel dismissive. Toxic positivity minimizes the complexity of our emotions and paints over the depth of our experience. It says, “Don’t feel that,” when what we really need is space to feel exactly that.
In our communities, we’ve sometimes learned to push past our pain in order to survive. But toxic positivity takes it a step further by insisting we smile through it all. And sis, that’s not healthy. It’s okay to not be okay sometimes. It’s okay to sit in the reality that life can be both beautiful and brutal. Toxic positivity denies us the fullness of that experience.
Why Radical Acceptance is Empowering
Radical acceptance empowers us because it is rooted in truth. It acknowledges that life is complex and that healing isn’t always a straight path. When we accept what is, we are no longer fighting against our reality. Instead, we’re finding ways to cope with it, to grow from it, and to continue living fully, even in the face of pain.
As a therapist, I’ve seen how powerful it can be when someone begins to practice radical acceptance. It’s like a weight is lifted, not because the problem is solved, but because they’re no longer resisting their own experience. They give themselves the grace to be human. And that’s something we all need—a little grace to just be, without the pressure to always be “positive.”
The Harm of Toxic Positivity
Toxic positivity can leave us feeling isolated. When we’re told to stay positive, we may begin to believe that our real emotions are somehow “wrong” or that we’re failing if we can’t keep up the façade. But life isn’t about performing happiness. It’s about experiencing the full range of emotions—joy, sorrow, frustration, peace, and everything in between.
If we don’t allow ourselves to feel the harder emotions, they don’t just disappear. They sit with us, sometimes manifesting in our bodies as stress, anxiety, or even illness. Toxic positivity denies the very real process of healing and can even make it harder to find peace in the long run.
Choosing Radical Acceptance
So, what does it look like to choose radical acceptance? It looks like acknowledging when life is heavy and giving yourself permission to say, “I’m struggling right now, and that’s okay.” It’s reaching out for support when you need it and not feeling like you have to put on a brave face. It’s accepting that sometimes, life is painful, but that you have the strength and the resources to move through it in your own time.
Radical acceptance isn’t a passive resignation. It’s an active acknowledgment of what is, coupled with the belief that you are still worthy of joy, peace, and love, even in your hardest moments. It’s about being real with yourself and allowing others to be real with you.
by Hope Venetta | Jan 20, 2025 | Maximized Hope, Uncategorized
Now, I know we’re all familiar with stress and burnout, but what about crisis fatigue? It’s like the heavyweight champion of emotional exhaustion, especially in the times we’re living in.
Picture this: You’ve been grinding, helping others navigate their storms, and holding space for their pain. But after a while, it’s like you’ve been caught up in a whirlwind, and now you’re left feeling drained, both mentally and emotionally. That’s what we call crisis fatigue.
It’s essential to recognize that what we’re experiencing isn’t just tiredness; it’s a deeper weariness that comes from being bombarded by one crisis after another. Whether it’s the ongoing struggles for justice, the geopolitical landscape, or personal challenges, it can feel like the hits just keep on coming.
So, how do we cope with crisis fatigue? Well, first things first – acknowledge it. It’s okay to admit that you’re feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders. You’re human, and it’s okay not to be okay all the time.
Next, let’s talk about self-care. I know, I know – it’s a buzzword these days, but hear me out. Self-care is more than just face masks and bubble baths. It’s about setting boundaries, saying no when you need to, and giving yourself the grace to rest. Take a breather, fam; you’ve earned it.
Now, let’s not forget the power of community. We’re not in this alone. Reach out to your people, your tribe – share your thoughts, your struggles, and your victories. Connection is a mighty force, and it can help us weather any storm.
And speaking of storms, let’s talk about finding the sunshine in the rain. Look for those moments of joy, no matter how small. It could be a hearty laugh, a warm hug, or even just a moment of stillness. Embrace those moments like a cherished family recipe.
I can’t stress this enough, it’s okay to seek professional support too. As a mental health counselor, I understand if you’re used to being the rock for everyone, but even rocks erode over time. Reach out to a colleague, a mentor, or someone you trust. Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Crisis fatigue is a real and formidable opponent, but we can face it head-on. Acknowledge it, practice self-care, lean on your community, find joy in the little things, and don’t hesitate to seek support. If you need to find a therapist, the Clinicians of Color therapist locator can be a good place to start.
by Hope Venetta | Jan 13, 2025 | Maximized Hope, Uncategorized
Hey there, beautiful souls!
I want to talk about something close to my heart – the journey to mental well-being, especially for our Black brothers and sisters who might feel a bit uneasy about seeking therapy. We’re diving into this together because it’s crucial to recognize that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. So, grab a cup of tea, get comfy, and let’s give some validation to the trust issues some of us have with the mental health establishment and that keeps us from seeking therapy when needed.
Our Story: A Historical Perspective
First, let’s acknowledge our shared history. We’ve come a long way, and our ancestors’ strength in the face of unimaginable hardships is a testament to our resilience. But, there are parts of our past that still cast shadows, especially when it comes to trusting mental health professionals. Dr. Patricia Bethea Whitfield wrote a fabulous article in Counseling Today magazine a few years ago. Her article on the reluctance to seek treatment in African Americans reminds us of the deeply flawed beliefs of the past, like “drapetomania,” which labeled an enslaved person’s desire for freedom as a mental illness. Imagine that! We’re talking about a created stigma that pathologized the psychological strength that helped our ancestors break free.
And then there was “dysaethesia aethiopica,” which was supposed to make us ‘sabotage our work’ and ‘become confrontational’ if we had ‘too much freedom.’ These twisted ideas were nothing but cruel tools of oppression made up by people who were supposed to be mental health professionals. So, if you ever feel uneasy about going to therapy, remember, it’s not your fault. These wounds run deep and they have been translated over the decades. In a Columbia University Department of Psychiatry study it was revealed that the adult Black community is 20% more likely to experience serious mental health problems, yet only one in three African-Americans who need help actually receive it. We’re still healing from the scars of this history.
Trust
As we dig deeper into this, remember this: there is a reason a Black person may feel reluctance to seek therapy. It’s about trust, and I get that. The history we share, the stigma we face – they’ve built a barrier. The barrier may be there, but we don’t have to remain stuck behind it. We’re breaking it down together, step by step. In recent years more people in the Black community have been more open to have the conversation about mental health.
Seeking therapy isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of strength. It’s saying, “I’m taking control of my well-being.” It’s telling the world, “I’m worth it.”
So, if you’re feeling uneasy about therapy, know that you’re not alone. Many of us have been there, too. It’s okay to take that first step, to reach out for help. In fact, it’s more than okay – it’s brave. You’re not just healing yourself; you’re breaking the cycle for generations to come.
My beautiful friends, let’s embrace this journey together. Seek the support you deserve. The Clinicians of Color therapist locator can help you find a therapist who understands your cultural reservations about trying therapy. As Black people, we’ve got a legacy of strength, resilience, and love that can carry us through anything. So, go ahead, take that step – your well-being is worth it, and you are worth it.
*This post was first published on the Clinicians of Color blog.
by Hope Venetta | Jan 6, 2025 | Maximized Hope, Uncategorized
There’s a growing wave among Black women—those who choose to live their lives child-free by choice. I call it the “Rich Auntie” energy, but let’s be clear: this isn’t about money. It’s about a wealth of spirit, joy, and purpose. It’s about walking boldly into your life, owning the fact that your contribution to the world isn’t limited to motherhood. Instead, you’re leaving an indelible mark in other ways—on your community, your family, and even yourself. As a therapist, I often remind women that embracing this energy is not only valid; it’s rooted deeply in our psychological development.
Now, let’s take a moment to dive into Erik Erikson’s model of human development, specifically the stage of generativity vs. stagnation. Erikson tells us that by mid-adulthood, we start to feel a need to create or nurture things that will outlast us. For many, this shows up in having and raising children. But here’s the beauty of it: generativity is not restricted to motherhood. It’s about contribution, about passing something of value on to future generations, whether they’re your biological descendants or not.
For those of us who are child-free by choice, that contribution might look like mentoring, creating art, leading community initiatives, or even being that wise and supportive “Auntie” figure in the lives of others. We give love, care, and wisdom in ways that ripple outwards. We pour into the people around us, knowing that we don’t have to give birth to someone to mother them, to nurture them, or to support their growth.
In many Black communities, the role of the auntie has always been significant. Aunties are often those women who step in to support, guide, and uplift—whether they’re a part of the family or not. In African and African American cultures, there’s a long tradition of “othermothering,” where women help raise and support children who aren’t biologically theirs. So this “Rich Auntie” energy? It’s just a continuation of that legacy, with a modern twist.
What I love about the “Rich Auntie” energy is that it embodies freedom. It’s the freedom to design your life on your own terms. It’s about finding fulfillment in your passions and being unapologetic about your choices. This is a reminder that your worth as a woman isn’t measured by whether or not you have children. In fact, as many of us know, being child-free can allow you to channel your energy and resources into the things that truly feed your soul.
So, for my child-free sisters, if you’ve ever been questioned or judged about your choice, remember this: your life is no less meaningful. Erikson’s idea of generativity is about impact, and your impact is vast. Whether you’re mentoring young people, building a legacy in your career, fostering relationships, or simply being a source of joy and wisdom for others, you are contributing to the world in profound ways.
And let’s be real for a second. How many of us have an auntie or a close family friend who was a beacon of light for us when we were growing up? Someone who lived on her own terms, and gave us a glimpse of what freedom looked like? That’s generativity. That’s leaving a legacy. You, in your “Rich Auntie” glory, are doing the same. You’re passing down experiences, wisdom, and love, and those things have the power to shape lives.
As you walk in this season of life, embrace it. Take pride in the freedom to travel, to create, to love how and who you want, and to live authentically. Know that your value extends far beyond societal expectations of what womanhood should look like. You’re shaping the next generation by being an example of possibility, strength, and autonomy.
So, cheers to the “Rich Aunties”—the women who are unafraid to walk their own path, who embrace their choice to be child-free, and who understand that generativity isn’t limited to raising children. You are living proof that our contribution to the world comes in many beautiful forms.
by Hope Venetta | Jan 1, 2025 | Maximized Hope, Uncategorized
When do you know that therapy is working? How do we know if it has been worth it? As a psychotherapist, I understand the journey of self-awareness and personal development can be challenging, and let’s face it, expensive. We are set up by a society that values instant gratification and yearns for an immediate transformation, hoping that therapy will miraculously erase all our struggles. However, the reality is that personal growth is a gradual process that requires patience and self-reflection. In this blog post, I want to address a common concern many of us face—how to recognize progress and know when therapy is truly working. Let’s explore the concept of reframing and the importance of self-awareness in acknowledging our growth, using an enlightening experience I recently had.
The Power of Perspective:
I was going through some old journal entries and found several entries about a topic I struggled with. I thought to myself, “Am I still dealing with this?” “Still??” But as I began to slip into despair that my prayers and attempts at personal development over the years had produced nothing, I saw a meme on a friend’s Facebook page that made me think. I checked myself and got some perspective.
The Meme that Resonated:
A friend shared a meme featuring two images. The first depicted a circle that seemed to be drawn repeatedly, representing the same issue recurring. But the second image, from a different vantage point, showed the same shape transformed into a corkscrew or spring spiraling upwards. This simple yet profound visual analogy struck a chord within me, shifting my perception of my own journey.
Reframing Our Experiences:
In that moment, I realized that although I was still dealing with the same issue, my response to it had evolved. I was growing and addressing it on higher and higher levels. This revelation was a game-changer. Initially, I was so discouraged that the issue hadn’t vanished entirely. When I stopped to think about it, I had failed to recognize the significant growth and development that had taken place within me.
Understanding the Process:
Therapy is not a linear path; it’s a transformative process filled with ups and downs, setbacks, and breakthroughs. It’s important to acknowledge that progress doesn’t always manifest as an immediate resolution or complete eradication of our struggles. Instead, it often emerges as subtle shifts in our perspectives, emotional resilience, and coping mechanisms. These changes signify our growth, even if the core issue remains present.
The Journey of Self-Awareness:
One key element in recognizing progress is cultivating self-awareness. Self-awareness allows us to observe our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors without judgment. By developing this ability, we can identify the subtle changes and improvements in our responses to life’s challenges. Through talk therapy, we gain the tools to understand our patterns, motivations, and triggers, empowering us to make conscious choices that align with our values.
Celebrating Milestones, Big and Small:
When it comes to recognizing progress, it’s essential to celebrate both significant milestones and the smaller victories along the way. A breakthrough moment may warrant a joyous celebration, say like recognizing you have been dating a person who constantly gaslights you and kicking them to the curb. (Do the young people still say that? LOL, but you know what I mean) But let’s not overlook the daily acts of self-care, the newfound emotional resilience, or the moments of self-compassion that demonstrate our growth. Every step forward counts, no matter how small.
Tracking Your Progress:
To tangibly observe your growth, consider maintaining a journal or reflection log. Document your thoughts, feelings, and insights throughout your therapy journey. Periodically review your entries to gain a fresh perspective on how far you’ve come. You, like me, may be surprised to see the positive changes you’ve made and the progress you’ve achieved, even in the face of ongoing challenges.
Conclusion:
Therapy is a transformative process that requires time, patience, and self-awareness. Reframing our experiences and recognizing progress is essential to appreciate the growth and development we undergo. Remember, your journey may involve revisiting familiar issues, but your response and perspective evolve, signaling personal growth. By embracing the spiral of growth and acknowledging your progress, you can find encouragement and motivation to continue on your path toward healing and self-discovery.
In the words of Nelson Mandela, “I never lose. I either win or learn.” Your therapy journey is an opportunity for continuous learning, resilience, and empowerment. Embrace the spiral, trust the process, and celebrate the transformative changes within you.
*This post originally appeared on the Clinicians of Color blog
