God has been leading me through quite a lot of healing and restoration. The things I have uncovered help me understand who I am and why I do the things I do.
I have been doing the Making Peace With Your Past program and uncovered why I am now unfulfilled by my current job. It would appear that my family of origin caused a need for control in my life. A pretty common theme for folks who had so called dysfunctional families growing up. At any rate, the types of jobs that I have been in for the majority of my working life have involved being in total control. I am a meeting/event planner. I dot every “i” and cross every “t”. Things happen or don’t happen according to my say so. When was in my twenties, I absolutely loved it. It gave me such a charge to set up programs in resorts and fine hotels. It gave me a rush that hoteliers valued my business and made sure that I had everything I needed or wanted for my events to go according to plan. My plan. The girl who lived a stone’s throw away from the infamous Robert Taylor Homes in Chicago. The kid who qualified for the free lunch program at school. The girl who was laughed at for wearing hand me down clothes from the previous decade. Yes, her. In my job I felt fulfilled in every way. Finally feeling in control, and getting paid for it. It was perfect. And I loved every minute of it.
Despite all of that, there is one thing I know for sure. You cannot escape your calling. It will hunt you down, surprise you on your way to somewhere else, and redirect you down the path you’re supposed to go.
After a while the fancy hotels stopped being interesting. My emotional pain and need for control was no longer satisfied by beautiful oceanside resorts. The God shaped hole inside my soul wanted and needed more attention, more support, and more approval from an entity that could not and would not give it. I grew bitter, withdrawn, and ungrateful. I stewed in my anger so long that it clouded my vision, stunted my growth, and otherwise derailed me for 7 years. I was stuck in a holding pattern until I said yes. Yes to my calling. Yes to my purpose.
I am a writer. Of that I have no doubt. I love telling stories, whether written, spoken, or sung. My goal is to use my gift to give voice to the thoughts women struggle with, but are unable to express. By the help of the Holy Spirit, I aim to empower others to lean into Christ as they trust him to break generational curses and prepare themselves to receive God’s blessing as I have. I am grateful for this journey.