What happens when your real and present financial need blinds you? What happens when the singular pursuit of goals you set for yourself in order to meet those needs damage your relationships. Laser focus. Is it worth it?
Like I mentioned in yesterday’s post, I was poor growing up. Not third world poor, not homeless poor, but low income American poor (which I fully understand is rich comparatively). I recognized differences between how my family lived and the people’s live I saw in movies, on TV, in the books I read, and even at school. This developed in me a constant striving. I always felt I had to make up for being poor. To find innovative ways to get access to what was mainstream. Fortunately for me I could find it through books. I was a voracious reader, going through 2 or 3 books a day, especially in the summer when I had more time. I read everything from dime store romance novels to self help books. I learned what vocabulary to use, what mannerisms to take on, and how to interact with people who have more opportunity and privilege. That was my ticket out, knowing how to interact with the well to do. However, I never felt acceptable. I always felt lacking because I knew who I really was – a poor girl wearing a mask. An impostor.
At some point, good speech and the ability to appear as if you are a certain socioeconomic class is not enough. Yes it opened doors, but I didn’t have the know how of what to do to actually become one of the folks I looked up to. I had no concept of how to be financially fit. I was frustrated by knowing what I wanted , but not knowing how to get there. Actually, I never recognized the fact that there were tools to get there. What was financial literacy? I just assumed that wealthier people were just inherently worthy of wealth and that I just didn’t measure up, so I was poor. Despite my striving and trying to become a better person so I would be worthy of wealth, it always came back to not ever having enough money to cover my basic needs as well as being able to live the lifestyle I aspired to. I stumbled along this way for years making terrible financial decisions and being chronically underemployed.
Enter home based direct sales businesses. The idea of a business such as this could solve my income problems. The business models promised large profits, and I met real live people who had made it happen. So I reorganized my whole life to focus my business of the moment, hoping that it would meet my immediate financial needs. I figured I would have time for relationships later. However, one of the tenants of this type of business is to create relationships. I tried my hand a several different companies. I was an Amway Independent Business Owner and a Pampered Chef Independent Consultant. Both of those tries at business were miserable failures. In the beginning I rarely saw my customers as anything but dollar signs or gateways to dollars. I felt it, they felt it, and it didn’t feel good. It made things uncomfortable. I felt even more tense and desperate about money because I put my financial well being in the hands of someone who just wanted to buy a lipstick from me in my current role as a Mary Kay Independent Beauty Consultant. When I recognized what I was doing, I didn’t like who I had become. Transactional friendship is no friendship at all. I saw a Dave Ramsey YouTube clip that described what I was doing as relationship rape. When I heard him describe it that way, I felt like someone punched me in the chest. The entire reason I was involved in these business was to make money as quickly as possible. What I didn’t realize is that like any other business it would take time to grow a customer base, and build a network that would generate the kind of income I wanted.
So, this brings me back to my initial question. How do I handle the reality of immediate and urgent financial needs? Medical bills and student loans don’t care about my journey to become self aware through business. They don’t care that I have a mortgage, and have to pay for the “financial sins” of my youth (not saving, credit card debt, etc). They demand payment by the 15th. Period.
Christ said that he came so that we might have life, and that more abundantly. What does this mean for us in a financial sense? Can I claim financial abundance in this way? Is that even biblical?? I wish I knew.